Edge Of Your Bed

2012-02-09T20:21:00.002+11:00

When your body loses all sensibility and starts bringing on unprecedented illnesses, and your family erupts in feud and division. And you're attacked by leeches on some ridiculously beautiful cliff on the coast of the Tasman Sea. And when the one person you thought you could have something real, something awesome with is probably out fucking some other girl in another country on the other side of the world, like the rest of the ones from your past. And when first, your favourite dog in the world passes away and then your stepfather leaves the Earth too and your mother is mourning. And when all you've seen and all you've felt is the wettest Summer and the colour of the once blue Sydney sky is dark grey. And when your job is breaking you but nobody else will have you despite the past six years of your hard work.

When your world is filled with suffering and it is colourless and broken, when you're on top of a mountain and still you cannot smile, when your immunity to pain wears away and you cannot feel anything but an aching chest... How can you not ask for this year that has only just begun to be over? How do you rectify? How do you defy?

-S

"Eyes that won't cry, lips that won't lie, love that won't die."

2012-01-19T00:31:00.002+11:00

As a completely hopeless romantic, I cannot help but long for...

A love that transcends time zones and borders, that is held together by spirit and unforeseeable bonds. Nothing man could ever make or destroy, shape or manipulate. A love so sturdy it withstands the waves of the sea and the dangers of land. Unadulterated, unbroken, unfazed by distance. Love that knows the beauty and darkness of the Earth and longs to heal her wounds. A love that does not thrive on volatility and turbulence but on connection, reality and independence. Love that has existed since the beginning of existence and lingered until grasped and nurtured by the bravest of souls.

-S

On Distance

2012-01-16T16:05:00.005+11:00

Truth be told, I'd trade it all for a love reciprocated. I have waited twenty years for it. I thought I found it not so long ago but the catch is it must seamlessly bounce back and forth between two countries on opposite sides of the world after being united for almost three weeks in the closest proximity without a break. Just over a week into the separation of the two bodies, the process is anything but seamless. I suppose an earthly, honest and logical discussion would fill the holes and provide closure but every time I want to bring it up, I lose my grounding. I fall apart because it hurts too much. This has happened to me once in the past and I promised myself it wouldn't happen again. I prayed for intimacy within my physical reach, or nothing at all. I prayed for this because I've never been one to deal with uncertainty very well, so much so that I shut down and lose myself in my own paranoia. My mind is filled up with thoughts of "I should have never gotten myself involved, I should have held back" and "Why on earth would he choose me over someone who is within reach? Why would he wait? Is he even waiting at all?" I am unhealthy and I am unsure. I am down and I am out. I want out.

-S

Yet Another Rant on Community

2011-11-25T13:22:00.006+11:00

The irony of this blog post is the fact that I am writing it in my office where I usually instigate projects, apply for grants and write up budget plans for the community. Unfortunately, on this rainy Friday afternoon, I am feeling uninspired and severely disappointed in the community itself and its lack of activism and mobility. I know I go back and forth between feeling extremely enthusiastic and completely burnt out but that is because ultimately, I am fucking sick of laziness. I cannot wrap my head around how folks in my community can turn a blind eye to certain issues that need to be addressed and talked about, and pretend like everything is fine. Because it's not. Violence is still rampant in my community, misogyny is still alive and kicking, every form of discrimination is still on every street corner. And suckers wanna tell me to surround myself with better people. Hell no. These are my people. But this is all my people have been exposed to so they know no better. They have been told all their lives that their suburbs are shit and that they, as people, are disadvantaged, second-class citizens. I will not "stay positive" and act like everything is peachy. I will stay angry and fight for better conditions and I refuse to abandon those who have been thrown to the gutter time and time again. This shit is personal because when the government storms in on my people and tries to impose "income management" on poor families in Bankstown and the Northern Territory, it is belittling and insulting and I feel it. So don't tell me that I over-politicise everything. Everything IS political. When fundraising companies exploit poorer suburbs in the South-West because rich suburbs won't give them money despite their higher income, my blood boils. Class struggle. Identity crises. Racial tension. Gender politics. Disenfranchised young people. Abandoned senior citizens. It is personal and it is political. And I will not be oblivious.

The complacency, the apathy, the complete and utter lack of compassion breaks my heart, injures my soul and tarnishes my bright mind.

-S

Self-Motivational Banality

2011-10-03T00:25:00.007+11:00

Fuck it, man. If nobody comes to your event, it's all good. At least you know you have been driven enough to put these grassroots happenings on in the first place instead of sitting around complaining about how there's nothing to do in Sydney. Know that you have been taking risks for the past six years through a proactive approach in helping to enrich and foster your creative surroundings. Know that instead of bailing to Europe or, even just across the border, Melbourne you've stayed on and built strong relationships with people who are as enthusiastic as you are. You have seen primary and high school students with fierce agility and energy create something beautiful and you have seen mentors selflessly and endlessly support their younger counterparts. You have played a part in breaking down the wall that separates artists and their community. And there is absolutely nothing more special than the connection you witness, that extraordinary glow, between people of all generations and backgrounds partying down on common ground. You can stand up and say "You may have your ignorant preconceptions but this, right here, is South-West Sydney kicking your lazy arse."

The increments of change may seem fine but they are milestones for the community.

-S

Peek

2011-08-10T22:55:00.002+10:00

In the same way that a camera can photograph thought (Dirk Bogarde), it can also capture emotion and a moment in time that does not need to be explained, it's just there and the viewer knows and feels it. My friend, Max, has a wonderful photo-blog that does exactly that. His photography is simple, honest and beautiful. Click on the photo below to check it out...

-S

I Don't Hate White People But...

2011-08-07T23:36:00.004+10:00

I am critical of inherent, underlying racism that stems from privilege and general condoning from society. I absolutely do not think that all white people are evil, and indeed some of my closest friends would identify as white. My issue is with the racial hierarchy that still exists today. Perhaps the days when racial slurs are overtly yelled out at people are dying out but something far more dangerous still lurks under the surface.

I would like to use what seems like quite a trivial instance as an example – dating and the complex situation of being a brown, hijabi woman in the world of romance. Laugh it up but I dare you to ask me who I’ve been rejected for in all of my “romantic endeavours” bar one. It is not a self-deprecating comment when I say that I have (and sadly enough, always will) come second to a white girl. I understand that I am twenty-years-old and people would argue that I have not experienced enough to know how this whole thing works. I contest that argument, simply due to the fact that only one out of all the people I have been interested in throughout my life had shown signs of reciprocation... and he was an Arab. Everyone else has been white and completely oblivious, whether deliberately or not, to me.

I’ve not yet met a white person who was in any way attracted to me without having some kind of strange interaction with a barrier they have chosen to relate my skin colour and headscarf to. My good friend and I have a long running in-joke where we sarcastically ask “But isn’t your dad strict?” to poke fun at people who like to associate me with a conservative, strict upbringing. No, my father is not strict because if he was anything like what people picture Asian, Muslim parents to be like he would not have let me go skating with my male friends when I was younger, or fly to the USA for six months to live on my own. Or even skip out on university for almost three years. This shit is far too frustrating to explain to people, especially when I’ve just met them. It would be a lot easier if people didn’t make those silly assumptions in the first place.

Recently, somebody whom I thought was one of my best friends openly tokenised me and used my external identity as a way to prove his “openness” and “tolerance”. It was a classic “I’m not racist because I have a Muslim friend” situation and I was deeply hurt and offended by it. Usually when these things happen, I laugh and brush it off but because he was so close to my heart, I could not help but feel as though even the people who I think get it, just don’t.

I am an over-emotional person and I am sure as hell guilty of being quite self-indulgent when speaking about these issues but it needs to be said. I commend not only Muslims or Asians or women, but everyone who stands tall for human rights and against the despicable systems that effect our daily lives. However, on a ground level, there are not many people talking about our very basic social interactions like flirting, dating or even just making new friends. The burqa debate is dated and futile, and talked about on many a Q&A episode. The whole argument over if calling a Muslim a terrorist is a legitimate claim or not is just obsolete. Of course I do not undermine the importance of challenging government and policy but just as significant is the discourse that is spread amongst every day people, hanging out in a pub or sitting in a classroom. Our conversations need to be re-routed and we have to stop waiting for our turn to speak when someone is speaking with us. Before we can open up our minds, our ears and eyes need to be cleared of self-absorption.

-S

On Divorce

2011-07-18T19:33:00.004+10:00

As a young girl, I watched my parents fight frequently. Pots and pans flew around the house as I tried really hard to focus all of my attention to Video Hits and drown out the sound of yelling. My older siblings would try and distract me from what was going on but sometimes, they just weren't around so the blunt detestation between my parents was quite apparent. I knew all along what was going on, and the wider perception of these instances is that when you're below a certain age, you don't really understand the big picture. When I was four-years-old, I was well aware that my mother was unhappy with my fathers choices and that my father no longer wanted to be with her. Divorce was imminent, despite my hopes for it not to be.

I was eleven when my family sat down and my parents announced their separation. Thinking that that was a huge call and feeling as though they were neglecting us as their children, we all dealt with the circumstance in various ways. It was not easy for any of us and I can safely say we all shut down emotionally. Not long after this "discussion", my parents filed for a divorce and the thought of it being official and on paper was crippling. My mother moved to Indonesia shortly after and I resented her for a long time, believing that she had abandoned myself and my siblings. My father went on and continued working twelve hour days to support us, seven days a week but I was far too selfish to recognise his efforts.

In hindsight, I cannot think of a better thing to have happened to my family. I know that sounds weird but it's the truth. It took us away from the horrible, conservative Indonesian Muslim community here in Sydney and made us assess their agenda and traditions. It also brought my siblings and I together, in a way that could not have happened if it wasn't for the divorce. Alongside those two important lessons, it also strengthened our bond with both our mother and father by simply making us realise that they had worked hard despite their differences to raise us.

The Indo-Muslim community alienated us when my parents got divorced. They spread rumours about my mother cheating on my father and vice versa. I never want to think of my parents as "cheaters" but whether or not that really happened, I will never know. However, I trust my parents enough to be transparent with their past and I take their word for it when they say they didn't. Why would I take the word of a lying, competitive, superficial community over my hard-working, loving parents? I don't know what it was they were trying to achieve by erupting in gossip and pointing fingers. All I know is that we're better off without them.
They tried to use Islam against us, which is hilarious because there are verses in the Qur'an that talk about how yes, divorce is not the greatest thing in the world, but should the circumstance call for it then it should be done in an Islamic way, and that is exactly how my parents did it. So that was my main "Fuck you" to that community.
The way I see it is if two people do not love each other any more (or never loved each other in the first place) and spend most of their time fighting then it is absolutely their right to put an end to such misery. But of course, it is far easier for an arrogant community to judge rather than empathise.

I like kicking arse at everything I do and I really enjoy it when my siblings do too. People often think that kids from a "broken home" are at a disadvantage but that is false. My sister is an incredible Graphic Designer and Photographer who has done work for some of the biggest names in hip-hop and fashion in Australia after graduating from the University of Western Sydney. My brother is an Accountant (without even going to university for it), is about to get married, buy a house and raise a family. My other brother is a multi-talented Sportsperson and a qualified Mechanic from Toyota. I am about to start studying at the University of Sydney and I'm working as a Project Coordinator and In-House Audio Engineer at BYDS, as well as a Marketing/Administration Assistant for Powerhouse Youth Theatre's HERO Project. We're doing amazingly and I'm so proud of how well we pulled together during hard times. And through all of this, my parents were both there to support us, every step of the way.

Our family fought a decade-long battle against immigration and as I was the only Australian Citizen in the family, pressure was on me to keep my family in Australia. It almost sounds horrible when I say this but had my parents not divorced, our case would have been weaker. The fact that my father was a single parent reinforced the necessity of his presence in my growing up, as my mother was physically out of the picture. Now the rest of my family are Permanent Residents and my mother is free to enter and exit the country.

Divorce is weighty. It's not breezy, and it certainly is not something I'd wish upon anyones marriages and families. However, it is sometimes necessary to remove yourself from a sticky situation and re-assess your surroundings. I fully understand that divorces are messy and often end sour but I also think that our society is far too quick to judge families that have been through or are going through these struggles. I think that with the rise of quick weddings and quick divorces, we need to be a little bit more delicate and understanding of each others situations. All I really hope is that anyone that needs to go through a divorce is supported by their communities, rather than driven out.

-S

It's Not Worthy of Waiting For

2011-07-11T20:46:00.003+10:00

South-West Sydney owns my heart. It's true. From train rides on the Green Line to long walks around the plaza in Bankstown, I'll never forget my roots. But for some reason lately, I've just been feeling kind of exhausted and burnt out. I feel as though I'm working for the community when the community doesn't even care. The community has become severely apathetic and almost oblivious to their surroundings. I'm not sure if it is because everything just keeps getting worse and nobody has hope anymore, or if it is because not giving a shit is simply easier. What saddens me is I don't know how to change it. No new faces show up to the acoustic shows I organise, or take part in the workshops I facilitate. Hardly any of my "friends" actually support what I and the organisation I work for do, let alone engage in our work so what is the point? Nobody comes out to the South-West to support our artists because all the "arty" Inner-West folks are too busy picking out floral dresses and buying records for their non-existent record player. And if someone tells me it's because we're "so far away" from the City, I'll tell them they're just lazy and boring. How can a hundred people show up at a gallery showing in the City/Inner-West and only ten show up in the South-West? It's baffling. Most of the people that go to those showings in the City are from the West anyway. Do they not see how much potential their own hometown holds?! Sorry about the neg vibes. I'm just starting to get really disheartened.

Sonic Stimulus

2011-07-06T22:27:00.003+10:00

I suppose it has been a while since I wrote a blog post. I'm writing this now because I'm unbelievably excited about a new track that Jack Bruun-Hammond (Corpus) engineered and features on. Well, it's actually an older song but this is a new version of it. There was also a short documentary filmed about this song and my "journey" by some incredibly talented students from Sydney Film School, which will be screened at their biannual film festival at The Factory Theatre, July 13 and 14. Coming up next will be a music video for this song, written and directed by my one and only wife and best friend, Annabelle Z. We anticipate that to be out within the next month or so.

Here's the song, recorded in Jacks weird and wonderful bedroom studio:

&amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://stonocaves.bandcamp.com/track/dew"&amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Dew by Stono Caves&amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;

In other related news, I'm currently recording more frequently and plan on releasing an EP within the next few months. It will most likely be a five track disc, with some limited editions on cassette too. I'm sure I'll figure out a way to chuck it on the interwebz too for all you lazy bastards. Accompanying this EP will hopefully be an Australian East Coast tour in November. I do hope to also play some shows in New Zealand while I'm over there in December. If you have any connections/suggestions, let me know and I will be forever grateful.

Shit's gettin' real, son.

-S

Do Not Come Near My Mixer... No, Really...

2011-05-28T22:54:00.008+10:00

If it's a happy and stable relationship you're after, then the person behind the mixing desk is definitely not your match made in heaven. I would back off right now if you're thinking about it. Trust me. Audio engineers make the worst lovers and it's not just because the only thing that turns us on is that brand new Alesis preamp they've just released. But that's probably part of it too.

If you have ever worked in audio then you would understand how little recognition an engineer receives for being one of the hardest workers in any setting - film, TV, live entertainment, music, etc. Because of this, we become super needy when we, god forbid, fall into a relationship of some sort. Yeah we might say we do it because we enjoy the workload but after days in the studio or loading gear out in the rain, a pat on the back would be nice. But don't get too close, we'll end up clinging on like a fucking koala. As if it's humanly possible to stare at a screen for hours refining one single note in a whole song. Talk about abandonment issues. Perfectionist or obsessive? I admit the latter. I really do.

This brings me to my next point. How shit would it be to live with someone who won't listen to music unless the speakers are fine-tuned? Or watch films without at least 5.1 surround sound? I'm not even exaggerating. I get frustrated and angry when I can't hear the little details in a films sound design. So frustrated that I ended up not watching it. If you wanna go to a show, you will not hear the end of how the "engineer wasn't even listening to the sound" or how the "fillers were not loud enough". If you walk out of the cinema, all you'll hear for the next couple of days is how "woefully composed" the score was. I promise you're going to want to break up with them there and then.

See, I'm sure you could handle insecurity in a relationship but not when it's coupled with the next issue I'm going to talk about. We're arrogant. Plain and simple. We are clingy but I swear when we've discovered that sweet spot on that amplifier, we will indulge in our own achievements incessantly. We will brag about how quickly we set up and broke down a PA system. Expect it, or you might get thrown. Better yet, don't set foot anywhere near that kind of situation.

You're all shaking your heads wondering how it's even possible to be both an egoist and insecure at the same time but I am telling you now, we made it possible. We made it possible and we did it in style. After all, audio engineering is one of the only fields of work that combines two "incompatible" elements: art and science. See, pure arrogance in that sentence right there. But this whole piece written by an audio engineer herself, is pure insecurity.

Discombobulated yet? Don't say I didn't warn you.

-S

2011-05-20T01:01:00.004+10:00

I just want someone to come home to and have them be all like "You've just come home from a long day at work carrying speakers and power-amps, sorting out bureaucratic messes and working with disenfranchised young people. You look like shit, you don't wanna have sex with me, but I still love you and I will still cuddle you." Why can't I have this? And please don't tell me it comes with age. Everything fell down and I broke down and people let me down and I don't blame them and I don't want to envy them but the longing for a soul that interlinks with the universe and chooses with full sincerity to link with me is starting to become unbearable. I still taste the tequila and bourbon I had at 2pm and I'm sitting here blogging at 1am when I should be sleeping because everything in Sydney is severely underwhelming like the banal discussions and pretentious musicians and I can't get rid of this feeling of confinement. I am supposed to be happy. I am the one who just doesn't care. But now I care because now it's all too heavy, with every step towards moving on turning into steps towards realisations that I have chosen to neglect. I feel like shit was stolen from me and I know that's not the case but I'm so tired and I just hate myself and I feel like I am never going to find someone that doesn't want me to be one thing or another, you know? I will never find someone who can deal with the fact that I am dedicating my life to the sonic world and I am pretty darn boring but I have so much love and support to give. I will cook and I will clean and I will hold you and I will kiss your forehead and I will write you letters when I am around the world and I will dream of you. The effort I put into trying to make myself not feel lonely is backfiring.

Throw Your Love

2011-04-29T19:42:00.003+10:00

I often feel as though prefacing any piece of text ruins it however before anything gets muddy, I would just like to clarify that I am in no way an expert on socio-political issues nor have I been involved in radical actions in the grand scheme of things. After all, it is an ongoing learning process.

What I do know is that us human beings are ferocious and though we use that ferocity in god-awful ways to pleasure ourselves, we are also highly capable of being compassionate, empathic mammals. Perhaps the coupling of that fierceness and instinctive compassion would allow room for us to grow together. I know this sounds severely romanticised and it is often what many anarchists speak about but I think the reality of it is, we have seen a beautiful relationship between these two instincts evolve into what we now call the Arab Uprising. Though there is bloodshed and copious amounts of death and destruction, there is also a new wave of hope that has taken over. Never in my life had I imagined a revolution of this sort to happen.

A lot of Westerners are under the impression that this uprising is distant but it is not. It is in every place you look. A very brief example of this is when Egypt overthrew their dictator, the Egyptian families in South-West Sydney danced in their victory - Copts and Muslims held hands. Now Syria is under fire and every Syrian man I speak to in Bankstown has deep fear in their eyes.

I choose to stand with the Arabs throughout all of this. The Wests "democratic" structure and form may not work within the Arab world and it's not up to us to make the call. I believe the people know best and the people will make the decision.

-S

"I'm looking for the juicy ones..."

2011-04-23T18:13:00.004+10:00

Sticky Fingers are actually the best Sydney band around right now. It seems unbelievably hard to find refreshing reggae from modern-day bands but they perfect it. They are a well-rounded band that can re-create the dub-influenced intricacies in their recordings on stage. That being said, they also do not lack in energy and pure, wholesome enjoyment. Each member glows with enthusiasm when they play their sets and it's definitely transferred into the happily dancing crowd.

"Sti Fi" have melded together very traditional stylistic features drawn from reggae, psychadelic engineering and left-of-field recording styles inspired by dub and the vehemence of popular rock 'n' roll.
I don't think the dudes remember me but I sat in on one of their recording sessions and had a chat to a couple of them outside. It was St Pats day so I was a bit drunk but they seemed like a nice bunch of people and they were so deadset about their music, without hindering themselves from having fun.

What a good fucking band.

Photo by Hugh Baulderstone

-S

Stand Tall

2011-04-22T00:08:00.006+10:00

This is Indonesia. With all the corruption and poverty, this is Indonesia at its absolute purest. It's hard not to come across as nationalistic - even though as far as "nations" are concerned, technically I am Australian - but this makes me so damn proud it brought a tear to my eye. This is all soul. Listen to the percussion and observe the synchronisation. Feel the history. You don't have to be Indonesian to be ecstatic about living in a world where treasures like this exist.

-S

How We Do

2011-04-18T20:49:00.005+10:00

Photos by Jack Bruun

-S

Abdu’l-Baha, Divine Philosophy, p. 111

2011-04-10T21:48:00.000+10:00

"The greatest gift of man is universal love – that magnet which renders existence eternal. It attracts realities and diffuses life with infinite joy. If this love penetrate the heart of man, all the forces of the universe will be realized in him, for it is a divine power which transports him to a divine station and he will make no progress until he is illumined thereby. Strive to increase the love-power of reality, to make your hearts greater centers of attraction and to create new ideals and relationships."

-S

Hiatus

2011-03-12T11:12:00.002+11:00

I will be posting at Touring the Light yet again from March 13th until April 8th as part of my South-East Asia trip so nothing new will be posted here for a while. I hope to see you on the flipside!

-S

The Dark(est) Year

2011-03-11T22:39:00.003+11:00

Rejection after rejection after rejection. I won't blame galactic realignment for my issues this year and I won't blame shitty people... mainly because I've cut all ties with people who make me feel worthless. So I guess the blame can only lead to one other person and thing: Me and my functionalities as a human being. You know, my inability to let go of everything that I broke and ruined, my ability to ruin everything and uhhh, my obvious self-hate. I just want a good job where I'm guaranteed hours. Sitting idly and watching the clock tick like heartbeats is taking away from everything I ever learned and making me dumber. My muscles hurt from stagnation and my eyes droop. My heart longs and my brain is glitchy. I'm exhausted but I haven't even moved. I feel like I'm just running away from everything again. I have never been this lost before. I was always the one with the stubborn sense of direction and though that crippled me a lot of the time, it also helped me. Now I'm the flake, the indecisive one and I don't see much of a future.

-S

Ney

2011-03-06T19:26:00.002+11:00

Perhaps I just don't possess the right spirit to play ney. I want to. It's all I want. The simplicity of its natural timbre is like no other and I want my breath to bring those sounds out. But I just can't. After numerous videos and tips, I am still only able to make the tiniest whistle but I'm beginning to think that that's just my imagination.

-S

Abandonment?

2010-08-31T02:30:00.006+10:00

Hello!

As some of you may know, I'm heading to the States for six months... tomorrow! I will most likely have fairly limited access to the internet (which may be an excellent thing) so I will be leaving this blog for a little while and posting at Touring the Light. If you go to that page while I'm traveling, you will probably be able to keep track easier.

Cool! Okay! Take care!

-S

A Photo of Someone You Love

2010-08-21T20:55:00.006+10:00

I couldn't choose between my mama and papa so I'm cheating and uploading photos of both of them. I'm also going to elaborate rather than just post photos that wouldn't mean much to anybody else.

Mama was always a fighter. She took care of seven younger siblings, dropped out of law school, rode dirt bikes all over Indonesia and listened to so much classic rock it'd make your ears bleed. She traveled around for most of her early twenties years, all over Europe and the Middle East. She raised four children and gave them everything they wanted but always taught them how to speak politely and appreciate and return every single kind gesture. She adopted a sick baby a few years after she moved back to Indonesia in 2002 who is now a healthy, hyperactive three-year-old. She still travels constantly around South-East Asia. To this day, she pushes boundaries and stands up against the greedy and is envied for her patience and strength wherever she goes.

Papa dropped out of university when he was studying psychology on the grounds that he was "bored". Now you know where I got my restlessness from. He moved to Australia to study aeronautics and became a pilot in his early twenties. After a few years back in Indonesia, he came back to Australia and brought his family over in hopes to raise his kids in an opportunity-filled country. He won a fight that lasted more than a decade against immigration scumbags. He ignored the criticisms of the hypocritical and big-mouthed Indo-Muslim community. He worked sixteen-hour days/seven days a week in order to raise four kids almost single-handedly when ma left for Indonesia. He is the embodiment of perseverance.

-S

It's Not About Politics, It's About Life

2010-08-18T21:29:00.003+10:00

I was on my way to the train station this sunny morning when something caught my eye. It was a gigantic truck with Craig Kelly's face and Aussie-flag-themed logos sprawled all over it. Of course my natural knee-jerk reaction was to think "Liberal scum" whilst walking past it but something else diverted my attention. It was actually Craig Kelly walking up my way. Still smiling after his morning campaign at the station, he carried his small billboards covered in the same imagery as seen on the his truck. I figure it's the only time I'll ever be this close to a politician without anyone else around so I stop him with a polite "Good morning, Mr. Kelly". He says hello and I quickly ask "So what are the Liberals gonna do about the troops that are still in the Middle East? You know, the ones that spent months training there?" pointing to the army barracks behind us. He replies with a sincere "Oh that's something for us to think about later on down the track." WRONG. Next question: "Well since you're a local, what are you gonna do about this train station where a gigantic carpark was built before a footpath? How are you going to make sure that I can walk home without getting hit by a car?" He stands there awkwardly with nothing to say and a faded smile. With that, I tell him I'd catch him later (and called him "man") and run for my train.

I hate election season. I hate it even more so this time around because it was so rushed and we don't have time to think. The person that becomes prime minister will be making decisions that impact all of our lives for the next four years so I don't think a months notice is enough to aid our decision-making. Especially when empty words are being thrown at us and overt discrimination is embedded into their propaganda schemes. Sidenote: Stop clogging up my letterbox.

Oh and a note to Gillard and Abbott: If you wanna stop the boats, go play battleship. There is no fucking "boat people" issue in this country. Stop bullshitting and trying to distract everyone from the real problems.

Ahhh pollies are the worst. I am so tired and I can't think and this is just shitty ramble but I guess talking about the election is the trendy thing to do so I may as well post something about. You know, so I'm in with the cool kids...

-S

Faint Heart

2010-08-12T22:15:00.003+10:00

I was engineering at a youth forum in a council building. Unnoticed, I carried on with my work which involved panicking when some dickhead stands in front of the drivers with a microphone and gaffa-taping leads down. The usual. Nothing flash. I'd been up since 4am for sahur and caught a train at 6:30am so obviously I was quite braindead. I overhear some words that make me wake up: "There's meant to be fifty kids but five dropped out" and "It's 8:30am but there are only thirty people here".

What is with young people and our bullshit unreliability?!

I am sick to death of my very own generation with our smartphones that let us cancel on people with ease, our lack of a sense of urgency and our super-fast internet that breeds procrastination. I don't understand why we think it's fine to string people along and allow ourselves to be strung along. We click attending on Facebook events but never really show up. Do we know how goddamn hard that makes life for the person organising the event? It's bad enough without unreliable people screwing it up for them.

Here's the thing - I'm nineteen and I grew up with new technology and new media. I am no vintage enthusiast and I can safely say that the advancement of technology has opened new doors for me, as an audio-engineer-in-the-making, a future traveller and as a human being in general trying to find my identity. But the thing that provokes my animosity towards this high-speed evolution is the fact that some people are already unreliable and this is simply perpetuated by the world of social networking and text messaging.

Nowadays, you don't have to confront someone (and in turn, witness their emotional reaction) personally to tell them something that is generally hard to address and/or discuss. Where is the fucking courage in that?! Grow up, Gen Y. I don't want to hear about misunderstandings and break-ups and cancellations over email and text. I don't want that type of cowardice - which I'm so very guilty of - in my life anymore.

We load Youtube videos to listen to music and never really experience, let alone understand, the high quality of CDs and vinyl nor the compelling art that often comes with it. We are lazy and I admit it but I certainly do not want it.

I want endless, barren roads and open bushlands. I need to see lakes and rivers and the generosity that Mother Nature offers. In fact, I feel like such a fucking cop-out going to Chicago - an English-speaking, tech-savvy, easily-accessible city. I guess I just feel the need to get out of here but it certainly ain't bravery running through my veins. It's probably just the fear of staying in the same place for far too long. That is what we are. We are agitated and we always want to be on the move. Though that could be a good thing, it's also shit in that we expect everything to move with us and everything to be fine when we want change.

You might wonder why I'm posting this on my blog considering I'm trash-talking new media but it seems to be the only way that people will read it. And even then, I can't seem to hold anyone's attention if my posts exceed 140 characters.

In the words of my crazy generation: epic fail.

-S

Sonny, Stop the Car by Corpus

2010-08-10T22:17:00.004+10:00

Jack Bruun-Hammond and Keiron Steel (aka Corpus) are two of the coolest cats I know, hailing from the North-West suburbs of Sydney. They tear up every stage they embrace and create artistic explosions with every song they compose.

On June 5, they released their unreal album "Sonny, Stop the Car" at SFX, Space Bar and like previously stated, they tore that stage to shreds with hearty vocals and furious notes pushing out of Keirons' vocal cords and guitar strings and an unmatched furiousness that Jack drove into his drumsticks and onto the skins of his drums.

The album is simply wild. Knowing that Keiron has always been interested in Middle Eastern scales, it's no surprise when the album opens with quite an Arabic sounding guitar riff. But of course, there's more to it than just one type of influence. When the second track "Grassy Knoll" begins, the listener is taken straight into their punk and grunge roots. My favourite bit of the whole song is when Jack sings with utmost passion "So I'm standing at the edge of the bridge/I couldn't help but to watch you fall/But I had, I had places to be/And people to see".

These boys are real, genuine songwriters and genius composers. Their lyrics are cryptic yet so realistic and it's so easy to get lost in this album and be fine with doing so. It's fun, it's insane and it is actually quite carefully engineered and written. My personal favourite tracks would be "You'll Hate This" - even though Jack says it's too poppy - and the title track which leaves only one word to describe it: epic.

You can find Corpus here and you should definitely hit up their next show which is this Friday (August 13) at World Bar in Kings Cross.

My favourite pair of talented little cookies have made me so fucking proud, once again.

-S

Edifice by Al-Thawra

2010-07-16T11:07:00.009+10:00

It's been a while since I wrote about something important...

If you haven't heard me rave on about Al-Thawra before then you must have been living in a cave. And just in case you have been living in a cave and have decided to step out into the world, I'll give you the lowdown.

Al-Thawra is a crust punk band from Chicago, Illinois with influences coming in from all directions. I guess we could start with the punk thing and list bands such as Crass, Discharge and Amebix but it most definitely does not end there. With a goal to align Middle Eastern instrumentation alongside meticulously orchestrated samples and the simplicities of punk rock, they are a true representation of cultural experimentation... whether they like it or not.

Al-Thawra is Marwan Kamel, Micah Bezold and Mario Salazar playing furious music, fuelled by dissent and conflict. They may not tackle issues head-on but they speak in a tone most people would not usually hear and they certainly question the hell out of all aspects of our modern world, from the reason why kids are dying in the Middle East to the suffocating authoritarians of Chicago.

And the punks love 'em.

On June 19, the three M's released their second album "Edifice". With three pairs of helping hands and an enormity of enthusiasm and talent from Pop Sensation Productions, they headed up to Madison, Wisconsin for an intense weekend of recording which naturally resulted in an agonising frenzy of sounds, adequately showcasing their vast range of influences.

The album begins with a psych-up of an intro and it doesn't wait for you to get comfy as it soars into "Beneath the Edifice". It continues with just the right amount of "flow" from song-to-song to distinguish between the diversity of tracks but at the same time, maintain the same level of stamina throughout. It most definitely does not fall short of energy. Songs like "Eviction Sama'i" provide the album with colour whilst the sounds embedded into songs like "Truth's Eternal Sun" and "Gaza: Choking on the Smoke of Dreams" define the severe passion of the band and with beautiful transitions such as the one from the interlude "The Exile of Hope" into "Mundo Y Carne", Al-Thawra have proved that punk does not have to be three powerchords played over and over. Punk music can be cleverly engineered (big ups to Dustin Boyle - love that kick-drum sound and the haunting psychoacoustics, man) and scrupulously arranged.

I won't dissect each track and talk about their individual highlights because you cannot skip tracks on this album or turn it off half way. It is a journey in itself, like an acid trip in sepia and it's best experienced from start-to-finish without stopping. I mean, I haven't experienced a trip in sepia but I assume that I would hear Edifice playing in my head if I did.

Anyway, to get the full mind-exploding experience, I suggest you don't buy the MP3s off Amazon like a lazy fucking shit but rather, go and pester the band about buying a physical copy as the songs will be a lot clearer and defined and you will get the beautiful art in it too.

I hope whoever reads this admires this multicultural, multilingual and multi-awesome band just as much as I do.

http://althawrapunk.com/
http://www.myspace.com/althawra

-S

To the North

2010-07-11T18:04:00.003+10:00

Keep the spaces around you clean and your mind clear.

Never ever ever live in fear.

Pray when you believe in it and not for the sake of it.

Open your heart but guard your soul.

Eat what tastes good but know your limits.

Stand up to the tyrants and for the tyrannised.

Stay calm, keep loving, drink plenty of water.

Do not trust anybody ever again.

-S

If You're Listening...

2010-07-05T21:47:00.002+10:00

Bismillahi-r-rahman-nir-rahim.

Dear universal force,

It's Stoney here. I'm not sure if you've noticed but I've been working really hard lately. I got through intense weeks of TAFE and am currently working full time and casual technician jobs to earn some money for my big trip and get some experience. I also cook and serve weekly at People's Kitchen. I don't expect instant gratification or anything like that but throwing one of the hardest things I've had to deal with at me at this very moment in time was pretty uncalled for. I do not have the time or strength to handle such negative energy. I am struggling to cope but I am forcing myself to otherwise my heart will break and my body will cave in response.

If this is a test, I'm losing my shit. If this is a test, I'm wasting my breath.

I cleaned my room on Saturday - like a madwoman. There was not a speck of dust in sight and the floor, desk and wardrobe are currently looking immaculate. This was meant to be the beginning of a hopeful and driven me. Unfortunately, however, I have been feeling a little bit shit and I really don't want to feel like this anymore. I know I must get over it but it is still fresh in my mind and painful. Some may say I'm forcing myself a bit too much considering it's only been a few days but no, I do not have a choice. I must say, the amazing friends you gave me have just been infinitely loving and caring and generous so thank you for that... But I feel like my recovery from this ordeal is taking far too long as I cannot afford to have emotions holding me back from the things I have promised myself I'd do.

I don't know if you see the determination in my eyes and heart or the passion in my soul but it's there and I need you to recognise it because nobody else does, especially the one person I hoped would have. I am tired of trying to find an inner strength I simply do not have so please, give me strength and patience.

I know I don't give you much but I don't ask for much either. Just this once... please. I am exhausted.

Yours,

-S

Amin.

NAILS

2010-06-08T12:09:00.004+10:00

Inspired by the Watch Him Bleed zines by Ivana Stab. Mainly dedicated the womyn (in hopes that they will find similar strength) but applicable to anyone.

The "you" in this instance is a collective "you" because everyone that I've ever cared for has screwed me over and don't deserve the time of day to be individually named and shamed.

Resilient, they call me. And though I don't believe them, I know I've endured an ungodly amount of painful experiences. I am not tough or butch; effeminate or sensitive. I am, however, happy and proud to call myself me, inadequacies included. And you, you fucking arsehole, have helped me realise this.

You always picked her over me and you always pointed out our differences. But I don't even want to be her anymore because I don't need to be. I don't need to grow up to be glamourous or even worse, a mediocre nine-to-five gym junkie. That shit just bores me and come to think of it now, you would have bored me too.

You never gave me a moment to feel proud of who I am and what I've become. You wouldn't even make the slightest effort to just, for one second, tell me that I was worth your time. So if you can't even crack a smile when I tell you something awesome that I've just done then well, these tears will fall for you no longer.

Today, I sit here happy. I work my arse off everyday. I walk through rain and wind and a shitload of heartache yet still try my best to stand up for the subjugated. I fall down every single day and I get upset at the tiniest, pettiest things but I will not fall without gritty determination to get back up again.

I have not reached my biggest goal but you better hope you're still asleep the morning I do.

-S

I'm Flawed, Nice To Meet You

2010-05-11T22:22:00.002+10:00

I'm short, skinny, hairy.

I'm angry, tired, moody,

Agitated, complicated,

Careless.

I am most definitely the most stubborn person I know.

I work hard but I burn out,

And end up losing all hope.

I wish I was the strong and stable person I pretend to be.

I'm helpless,

And on the edge of being worthless.

I am the most annoying drunk,

With meaningless ideas.

My lips are chapped,

And my skin is rough.

My feet are awkward and my toes even more so.

I pretend to know more than I do.

I never know how to finish things.

-S

Your Palms Are Sweaty

2010-04-22T20:30:00.004+10:00

Who would have thought that one change in my life would have so much impact on all the other things I surround myself with?

Yesterday, I did a job interview. Last night, I got a call back. Today, I started training. In two days, my soul has been confronted with a strange mix of feelings that I'm actually grateful for. Dreams to travel finally seem a lot more real than they did three days ago and I feel like I'm actually working towards something rather than sitting at home doing nothing, hoping for employers to call me back. And now when I leave TAFE, I won't dread the long ride home on packed trains as I only have four stops to get to work and by the end of my shift, trains home will be emptier. This job is all evening work and Saturday day shifts so it still gives me the chance to study, freelance for forum theatre work and live PA system work and go to shows!

It's a shitty thing to do, you know, calling people up on autodial and asking them to donate to a charity you don't know shit about but in the end, we've all done things similar like this. There's a gorgeous lady I look up to named Lina who once said "You just have to do what you have to do... even if that means creating a different persona for your part-time job. You don't take your work home with you. You leave that other girl at work." So I've decided my name is "Asia" at work (both for spelling and escapism purposes) and she's a happy motherfucker who doesn't take rejections to heart and is as strong as steel. The second I walk out of that building I'm back to being Stono/ey.

To my friends, thank you for being awesome people throughout my job hunt (and just in general, really). I know I was probably a terrible, depressing person to be around so I apologise for weighing you down. Sadly enough, I won't get to see you all as often anymore - not that I was the best at catching up with people - as I'm studying twenty-one hours a week and soon I'll have to start working a compulsory twenty hours a week too. I'm sorry in advance for I may become a bit of a tight-arse and a hermit crab. These next few months are going to be hard and heavy but I kind of need to do this.

On Saturday, I begin proper work. The journey has actually begun and I'm just as excited as I am scared.

-S

Your Ocean, My Grain

2010-04-16T00:15:00.005+10:00

I'm sort of sitting in a mess of emotions right now and I hate it more than ever. I hate that I sit in bed thinking about things you say over and over and over again while you're off being famous. This is not some glorious journey of friendship but a daily labour I've undertaken with diligence for you. I've stretched from here to every place you choose to stand and I don't ask questions; I don't expect answers.

We both enjoy the synchronicity sometimes but most days, it's hard work just to get you to look up. I don't whinge about it or make a fuss but I don't sleep either and I don't focus when I'm meant to. You can steal my energy, my light, my strength and transfer it into your heart.

"Thank you" is nice but "I love you" would be better.

-S

Oh Hey There Mind, Haven't Seen You in a While

2010-04-04T20:42:00.004+10:00

I've been thinking a lot about the hijab lately - just passing thoughts that question the perspectives of the people I know, the people I see on the streets, the people that simply see pictures of me etc. It's strange because I've always thought that people instantly knew that I wasn't what the media had portrayed young hijabi girls as but I guess I'm wrong.

Maybe when I walk down the street, my not-your-typical-Muslim way of dressing isn't enough to deter one's attention from the fact that I appear to be covering up the hair on my head. Or maybe the mere fact that I'm actually at a gig dancing and thrashing around isn't enough to say "Hey, I'm not right-wing or conservative or oppressed".

It's not that I'm actively trying to make these statements but it just scares me so much that the stigma that surrounds a covered girl can be so strong that people who claim to be so open-minded still look at you and ever-so obviously treat you differently to other people - a handshake instead of a kiss on the cheek, the "Oh sorry, no offense to you or anything" statement.

I don't really want to be pointed out. I know I've written about these things before but I don't know, it's just been on my mind a fair bit lately. Maybe it's because even when I actually do try and be somewhat "flirty" or "friendly", I just come across as "really nice". It's like I have to try twice as hard when it already requires a shitload of psyching up for me to simply muster courage to talk to someone cute.

I'm actually scared of good-looking people. I'm scared to talk to them because I don't want to make them feel obliged to talk to the nerdy kid trying to start up some conversation and in turn, embarrass them in front of their friends or other good-looking people. Most days I just feel like some stupid girl who knows nothing about this whole human interaction thing.

So why can't someone approach me and not reserve themselves because they think I'm reserved? Why can't someone say "Hey, can I buy you a drink?" instead of awkwardly try to decode my personality through cryptic questioning?

I'm Stono. I wear a hijab. I don't give a fuck about your religious or non-religious beliefs so I hope that one day you can ignore the black cloth covering my head and ask me out on a date... or something.

Image by Princess Hijab

-S

You'll Never Walk Alone

2010-03-06T15:04:00.008+11:00

I've been inspired by a blog post written by my best friend Annabelle (as always) where she put together an all female/female fronted/solo female compilation. It's rad with stacks of songs that I'd have put on mine. I really love this whole interactive-blog-responses thing so here's my take!

Page One - Katie Noonan and the Captains
Right to Live - Nausea
What a Corpse Knows - Crux
That Time - Regina Spektor
I Used Your Brain to Clean My Carpet - Thaw
You Girls - The Lurkers
Are You Ready Yet? - The Rotters
De Cara la Pared - Lhasa
Content With Death - Schifosi
Dreary - Little Lungs
Film Music - Electrelane
Penile Carnage - Scum System Kill
Entertain - Sleater Kinney
I am a Poseur - X-Ray Spex
Bag Lady - Erykah Badu
Greek Goddess - Yuna
Where Have All the Flowers Gone? - Joan Baez
Oh, Hello Ghost - Rolo Tomassi
Alice in Stevie Wonderland - Micropixie
Bang On - The Breeders
Take It Back - She & Him

Comment me (and Annabelle) the link to your version. Oh and here are a couple of links to responses to my post Youth Decay that are definitely worth reading:

Une Femme est Une Femme (Milk and Ink)
Substance Over Trends (Frail Thoughts)

-S

I've Got Books to Read and a World to Save

2010-03-01T18:45:00.001+11:00

And I miss you, Chris.

-S

Youth Decay

2010-02-26T20:20:00.011+11:00

I try my best to not get pissed off at every little thing but all it takes is one Tumblr page to set me off. So many young girls have the same collection of images on their pages: young, white girls as thin as the cigarettes they smoke, carrying the latest model of Chanel bags and looking all rebellious with their messy long hair. Badarse rock 'n' roll girls, yeah? No.
These photos are worshipped and praised yet they're not even true portrayals of what real, fucking awesome women look like. In fact, real and awesome women don't NEED photos of themselves to represent their character - they have their tools, instruments and paint.

I'm trying hard to counter negativity with some posi vibes so here are some photos of REAL, FUCKING AWESOME WOMEN. And no, they don't need these photos to represent them but now you'll know what a real girl looks like.

Kathleen Hanna - feminist, zine maker, musician (Bikini Kill, Le Tigre, Julie Ruin)

Eva Spence - musician (Rolo Tomassi), cool-DIY-stuff-maker (Night of the Living Thread)

Kathy Coppola - musician (Circle Takes the Square)

Leslie Ann Jones - audio engineer, feminist

Yuna - musician

Eva Green - actor

Yasuko Onuki - musician (Melt-Banana)

-S

Spent

2010-02-20T20:54:00.003+11:00

The destruction of this planet would have no significance on a cosmic scale. (Stanley Kubrick)

My hairy, bruised legs and dark circles around my eyes remind me that in the past two days I pretended to be Massive Attack and made beats on Logic; drank vodka, cider, port, red wine and beer; met some really cool cats whilst sitting in Hyde Park like fourteen year old emo kids; danced myself silly at the Chicks Who Love Guns EP launch; chundered on Gillespie Ave, Alexandria; woke up next to Annabelle, still light-headed; went to the beach; helped with a photoshoot; stumbled around Central; read a beautiful zine on the train/bus ride home; and came home to curry, roti and vegan custard.

So I guess the terrible physical flaws don't really matter because I had a killer time.

-S

The Jobless Blues

2010-02-01T22:22:00.007+11:00

This is kind of like a cry out for help. I need you, whoever you are, to help me find an employer that will actually hire me. One that won't throw my CV out or move it to the "Trash" folder before reading the whole thing.

I'm eighteen and as of next week, I'll be available all weekend long, two full weekdays and any other weekday after 6pm. I'm still unsure about what days they are but don't let that throw you off as I receive my full, extensive timetable very soon (within the next two weeks).
I live in South-West Sydney and yes, I'm willing to travel. The most I'll travel is two hours on public transport as I don't drive. Again, please don't let that throw you off. Two hours is a long time.

I have a Higher School Certificate, a Certificate III in Live Production, Theatre and Events (Technical Operations), a Certificate III in Music Industry (Technical Production) and am currently undertaking a Diploma in the last mentioned course. I've been involved with running events since I was fifteen and I really do love it so a job within any of the above fields would be rad.

I won't work in a place where meat and cheese are shoved in my face on ten bucks an hour, where I'm bound by a 3-4 month contract and then get told I'll only get about fourteen hours a week. Fourteen hours on ten bucks?! That's a measly $140. Thanks but no thanks, Salsas Mexican Grill in Bondi. I'm eighteen with plenty of experience and decent qualifications. Screw you.

Why would I like a job? Well, being at home is crippling my mind, heart and soul. But I mainly would like job so that I can save up a stack of cash to go the States in August where I will hopefully be challenged and educated. So yes, I don't plan to stay with any employer for longer than six months. However, during those six months I will work my arse off and be as dedicated as I possibly can be.

Why should somebody hire me? Like I said, I'll be as dedicated as possible because I know that it's gonna take a lot of hard work to get to where I want to be. Apart from that, I can cook nice food for my colleagues; I know how to type pretty fast; I won't talk much therefore no annoying small talk that everybody secretly hates; I'm pretty sure I don't smell bad; I have two years service assistance experience from Coles Wattle Grove, around six months office assistance experience from Bankstown Youth Development Service and around six months waiting experience from Kam Ying Chinese Restaurant. Yep, I did a runner on Kam Ying but they were pretty shit employers and my dad didn't like me working there.

I'll work with books, clothes, shoes, groceries, CDs, records, tapes, animals (alive), flowers, tickets, kids and elderly people and those in between, electronics, fruits and veggies - almost anything! All I ask is to be paid decently and to be treated with respect.

What would happen if I sent something this honest to somebody? Would I get knocked back because I used swear words and told them that I want a job because I want money to leave the country for a little while? Nothing else seems to work so maybe I should give it a shot. Reckon emails will start rolling in telling me I'm hired? Yeah, me neither. Why the hell are other people being employed left, right and centre without even goddamn trying?!

Fuuuuuucccccccccckkkkkkkk.

Also, please only comment if you can genuinely help or if you have something nice to say. It's hardly a joke these days.

-S

No More!

2010-01-25T18:34:00.008+11:00

We have to take back our streets.

We are losing all our live music venues and the buildings are being handed over to filthy corporate giants. The cops are threatening us more than ever with shut-downs and fines. We don't need any more nightclubs or high-rise apartment blocks! We have to put exclusivity behind us and take our art and music and culture into peoples homes faster than they can call Pizza Hut for a fucking delivery.

There is no point, friends, to keep our passion brewing underground and disallowing the average person that walks down the street to hear our voices. We've been doing that for far too long. This is the time where we all need to just forget about wanting to create "scenes" and "cliques" and remember that we're all just trying to be ourselves despite our shackled ankles and the imprisoning structure of society. If we could all just come together and stand up against the mediocrity and dullness that has taken over our alleys and stages then maybe we'd finally be able to collectively tear up laws that creep up on us telling us we can't live freely.

And if anybody reads this and goes "Fuckin' anarchist" then ask yourself if your freedoms have been compromised by the very people that are against the "anarchists". You may end up feeling just the same way I do. Don't lose sight of your emotions and heart because some crazy suit-enslaved loser divided us into a mess of categories and turned us all against each other. The more you bury yourself... well, that's exactly it really: You're burying yourself! Nobody in this world should be afraid of showing their beautiful souls. Nobody.

Also - here's Reclaim the Lanes. I've never been to one before but I think it's appropriate to promote it on this post. Hope to see you there!

COMPASSION NOW!

-S

Smile

2010-01-23T12:45:00.004+11:00

Thanks to the beautiful Kaitlin Foley from the Cultureal Sindicate on 91.7 WSUM (@kaitfoley on Twitter, Photomontage Philosophy on Tumblr), I have fallen deeply in love with Eyedea. He's the most refreshing lyricist I've come across recently. He tore through the thick champagne foam of mainstream hip hop and stood up and out amongst the radio-swollen artists of today. Here he is with his buddy Abilities on decks:

"Self proclaimed rebels say "We must oppose the system!"
"You gotta take a stand!" "If you're not against them you're with them!"
signs read "Support the troops bring em' home!" "No more innocent victims!"
but when a homeless veteran asks for spare change you're to busy protesting to even listen
And I'm no different I live in conflict and contradiction but it can be so beautiful
when I don't reject what lies within
It's beautiful the way agony connects us to the living
I think of the world when I hurt, and keep on existing in the now"

-S

The Shame

2010-01-06T13:53:00.002+11:00

What am I really doing? I'm sitting around waiting for you to come to your senses and realise how much of a jerk you are. I'm wondering if that's impossible. I'm heavily swallowing back everything I want to say. I'm wishing and praying that it didn't have to be this way.

I'm listening to a dead tone.

I'm staring at a blank screen.

I'm gargling the last taste of motivation.

I'm smelling the carcass of our friendship.

I'm holding onto broken glass.

-S

Punk On A Prayer Mat

2009-12-17T13:04:00.009+11:00

Australian/Indonesian. Vegan. Muslim. Left-Wing. Punk. Hijabi. These words seem so disjointed when you isolate them but collectively these words describe, basically, who I am. Strange, huh? It wasn't long ago when I'd look at these words and feel a great sense of loneliness in my gut.

A little over a year ago, I Googled the words "Muslim Punk" and found a couple of Myspace pages, including The Muslim Punk Foundation and The Kominas music page. I had a look around and a listen but for some strange reason, I didn't feel any kind of connection with it. To be quite honest, it all seemed pretty dead to me. For a whole year, I ignored what could have saved me from feeling like an outsider every single day of my life.

It wasn't until around June this year that I decided to re-visit Google and type in the exact same words. This time around, however, I decided to do a bit more than to look around two pages because something told me that there had to be more people out there like me.
I found a beautiful girl from the UK named Tabzy whose blog made me feel like I had found my fucking twin. The title of her blog is "Ramblings of a Not-Very-Hardcore Muslim Punk" and her blurb pretty much described everything I wanted to say to the world in regards to my identity.
I discovered an awesome band from Chicago named Al-Thawra ("The Revolution" in Arabic) when I never would have imagined a blend of crust-punk and traditional Middle Eastern music actually working and sounding brutally awesome.
And it was back to The Kominas for me that very day too, four punks who decided it was okay to question religion and not necessarily reject it.
Also, I found Eyad Zahra, a Muslim director based in California who is working on the motion picture inspired by the novel The Taqwacores - a book written by Michael Mohammed Knight that brought these punks together and gave them a name that embodied their ideas without having to be defined by anybody on the outside looking in.
It wasn't even the idea of Taqwacore that got me. It was the fact that I had found a diverse array of people - each and every one of them with a different idea about what Islam and punk meant to them. The thing is I probably don't even share the same lifestyle and/or life philosophy as these people but it doesn't matter because essentially, we share Islam and punk as the basis of our beliefs and through these people, I have cyber-met a dozen other wonderful people.

I hadn't read the The Taqwacores until a few days ago when my friend Luke texted me saying "Bring $23, we have The Taqwacores!" whilst on my way to Jura Books. I had no cash on me so I had to borrow the money but that didn't matter - I had to get my hands on this book no matter what. So I read it on the train ride home, before I went to bed that night, in between waiting for my slow-arse laptop to load pages, during commercial breaks and on every bus and every train.
It's a strange thing reading the book after finding the scene rather than the other way around, I think. Even though the book is not precisely how everything works in real life, it still gave me a little bit more objectivity when thinking about real-life Taqwacore. Before reading the book, I had the idea that everything was perfect and everybody loved each other. But that may not necessarily be the case and I don't know because I'm kilometres away from where it all began. I'm still new to it all so I think that objectivity helps.

I hope that I get to meet all these people in the near future and I fucking pray that I'll get to even play some shows with them. I don't usually say things like this because I don't like to impose religion onto anyone but I feel it's appropriate: maybe Allah decided it was time I found someone to relate to.

-S

Remember

2009-12-14T10:58:00.006+11:00

"Pancakes?"
"No, I'm vegan now," you replied
but you saw me frown and continued
"But I can teach you how to make vegan pancakes."
I jumped out of bed, tripped over
some clothes and bongs
and before you could crawl out from under the blanket,
I was in the kitchen pulling out utensils.
You came in stumbling after me, hair lopsided
and there we were, ready to take on the world.

-S

Hungry Chest

2009-11-24T21:11:00.002+11:00

I see you falling apart and I can't help but think that you need me
It's hard for me too, you know, it's never been easy
But these days I can't find a way to fit myself in your arms
And this shaking I feel is no longer a way to stay calm

I've asked everyone I know for a piece of advice
But the only thing they say is to stay far apart
How the hell would I know what "apart" is meant to mean?
I've known you forever and you're all that I've felt, it seems

-S

Dreaming Is As Easy As Shutting Your Eyes

2009-11-06T19:36:00.007+11:00

He wears denim cut-offs because he isn't afraid to expose his pasty, thin legs
and he carries canvas bags because he has no need to look glamourous.
His hair slightly covers his eyes because he doesn't really bother with haircuts.
He reads books on the bus and train, in the park and at home because he always wants to learn
and he scribbles down quotes on his desk so that he will never be short of inspiration.
He loves all kinds of food as long as a life hasn't been put on the line for him to consume it
and he rides a bicycle - a proper bicycle - because his intention is not to look flash but to help save the environment.
He pronounces his words with care because he likes to get his message across the first time so that it is still pure when it reaches the receivers ears.
In a world where men are ranked and rated based on their muscles, girlfriends and superficial possessions, he celebrates his naturally not-so-macho personality and walks (or rides his bike) freely on a path he can call his own.

-S

History Fell In The Heart Broke Open

2009-10-30T10:35:00.005+11:00

"A new state of mind is long overdue and it's time to inhale with a new set of lungs"

I miss Hot Cross.

-S

Est. 2009

2009-10-04T21:04:00.006+11:00

I think I've finally found my sound.

Writing and playing music isn't tedious anymore like it was back in high school. I now understand that playing to an audience now means playing to a group of people who have hearts and minds that may or may not share the same emotions explored in the music I create. The audience is not a panel of New South Wales' elite musical education experts (who aren't allowed to show signs of encouragement in case of bias).
It's almost like my appreciation for musical cooperation has heightened and I no longer feel the need to hide away from allowing my music to intertwine with the creations of other artists.
I'm proud to say I've become a lot more confident to play music in front of people and though not perfect, I feel as though sharing my music is exposing all my vulnerability yet allowing human reaction and interaction to soothe my inner tensions.

All throughout my senior years, the HSC killed the artistic side of music for me. I had precision-based singers all around me. Younger girls who had out- of-this-world talent that I could hardly measure up to. I couldn't sing in key and that was my biggest problem. I would get literally half of the mark that other music students were getting. I felt forced down a path I was so uncomfortable walking on. The direction changed from expression to perfection.
Forcing myself to do things by the book, I reaped a grunge song of its angst and heart. I sang Heart Shaped Box by Nirvana for the performance night. I toned it down and made the song sound piss-weak and boring just so I could control my pitch. I then sang Lua by Bright Eyes for my exam and instead of singing in a natural, raw and passionate voice, I ended up sounding ridiculously lifeless - again, to control my pitch. I ruined a beautiful, realistic song with heavy lyrics and turned it into some shitty acoustic pop number. It was like I was moulding my song choices in a generic, refined template and once it had been moulded, it could not be reshaped like the stubbornness and fragility of clay. In hindsight, I realise that I didn't enjoy being me simply because I wasn't being me at all.

I'm glad I'm no longer confined by marking criteria, green gates and an "educational" system that was so academically-obsessed they missed all the great sports people, artists and musicians that came out of their very classrooms and fields. A system that would spend all its money on a new I.T. centre when the walls in the music room were cracked, the equipment in the gym outdated and the accessibility to practical experience futile and/or unsupported.
At the end of the day, I probably won't be the one making a living out of writing and playing music but at least I know I won't ever let myself lose my hunger for artistic excitement, innovation and reinvention.

-S

Screw Gender Theories

2009-09-18T14:00:00.002+10:00

The arguments of sex and gender do my head in. We are the way we are because we are. I have a notion to propose: Do whatever the fuck you want and calm down.

Overanalysis is death - death of the mind, heart and soul; death of culture and enrichment.

-S

Milk Through Pipes And Stripey Ink

2009-09-11T14:04:00.008+10:00

Inspired by STRIPES&PIPES and milk and ink.

My first crush was a boy I met on a bike ride home from school once. He was older and could do more tricks on his bike than I could ever do. We never spoke but I heard his friends call him "Wes". He was a dirty grunge boy before I even knew what grunge was.

My first boyfriend was not really a boyfriend. I was fourteen. We listened to Joy Divison and cuddled all the time. This went on for years. To this day, he remains the only non-related boy who has seen my hair since I chose to wear the hijab. I don't know him anymore which feels odd and cold but these things happen in order to help us learn how to mend ourselves. I'm just grateful for that one lesson.

Most days I wish I never cared.

What's your story?

-S

One Sad Stoney Coming Right Up

2009-09-04T22:24:00.006+10:00

In 2006, I promised myself that I would never ever leave the all ages music scene. When I turned eighteen, I said I'd go to 18+ shows but if there was the option, I'd go to the AA one instead. And I have done so. I promote and go to the daytime shows and try my hardest to organise gigs around town, no matter how heavy the workload I get from TAFE is. And don't think that just because I go to TAFE, life's a fucking cruise ship.
But what happens when the kids themselves don't give a shit about the music anymore? What happens when there's only a handful of enthusiastic under eighteen year old people left who will do anything to keep this fire alive yet don't have the support of their own peers?
I don't really know when music became such an instantaneous culture (I use the term "culture" very loosely). I knew this day was coming but I guess I chose to block it out of my mind because I didn't want it all to become one disdainful pile of shit. I don't want them to drink and drug themselves to braindeath. Am I so ignorant to want kids to unify and enjoy themselves without losing a million braincells in one night? Are my past experiences with drugs eating me up?
Once upon a time, I thought I was being alienated by the older folks who forgot that they were once kids reading every line in every street press release, every word on every website and every poster on the street looking for a show that was accessible to them. Now I'm scared that it's not them who are losing sight but the kids themselves. I don't know what they'll do when all the people that actually care fly away and live with accomplishment in their stride and they're left with shit-fucking-all to do with their lives. It's exhausting and annoying to think about but above all, it's disappointing.
Tonight, on my (super-expensive) taxi ride to the restaurant, I scared myself to tears questioning the future of music and art and youth culture.

For those who still care, there's an amazing show that will be happening at Oxford Art Factory featuring two sweet bands:

It's advertised as Under 18s for legal reasons but it's pretty much all ages so come along no matter what age. I'm so going to get into trouble for saying this but I don't want anyone to feel excluded.

Sincerely,

-S

Songs Of Winter

2009-08-29T22:47:00.004+10:00

Saying goodbye to the last few winds of winter with the songs that kept me warm during the season...

1. Skinny Love - Bon Iver
2. Crow Quill - Circle Takes The Square
3. Winter Passing - The Academy Is...
4. Cowgirl In The Sand - Neil Young
5. Forward Motion - Your Nature
6. Sliding Scale - Bats And Mice
7. Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
8. Manana - Desaparecidos
9. The Vulture (Acts I & II) - Gallows
10. Distress Of Ignorance - Envy

It's been a long yet lovely Winter but it's time to kickstart something completely different.
The Spring and Summer playlists will consist of Friendly Fires, Art Vs Science, Syndicats, Iggy & the Stooges, The Horrors and plenty more.

Love and good vibes,

-S

Jealousy Kicking In

2009-08-17T19:33:00.005+10:00

US Gallows supporters should just shut the fuck up.
They're not coming to your state? You had plenty of opportunities to see them when they did and if not, you could make the effort to catch a train/plane/hitchhike to the closest venue for their next show if you wanted to see them that badly. At least you have bands arriving on your shores. We've waited since Chaos '07 for them to come out and they fucking bailed on us for you guys. Now we have to wait until February to see them. They could have been the highlight of Spring.

Not to mention Anti-Flag who have only just announced that they're coming to Australia for Soundwave. Oh but they still haven't made up for that show that we all missed out on because of some unknown reason and we all had to go back to Ticketek and get a refund. Getting your money back will never make up for a lost show. We don't even know if they're having a sideshow! I'm just lucky I was able to see them once.

Oh how about Social Distortion? The only reason I wanted to go to Soundwave last year? They bailed as well! Oh I love how promoters keep pumping hope into our blood and then sucking it right back out after a little while.

America gets Coachella, SXSW, Warped Tour, Taste Of Chaos, Lollapallooza etc. so be grateful! You guys have The Black Lips, No Age, Converge, Har Mar Superstar and Japanther playing in the one amazing festival AT A FREAKING SKATE PARK FOR TWENTY FREAKING DOLLARS. What else do you want?!

I'm not blaming America or the bands themselves but far out, stop complaining.

[This is what I would really like to do right now]

-S

"I Will Be Grateful For Each Day To Come"

2009-08-16T20:11:00.006+10:00

Dear friends,

In a few months time, a baby named Summer will be born. As much as I enjoy the endless cups of tea, beautiful rainfall and many layers of clothing, I feel that it's time to embrace a different kind of happiness.

I do, however, have one request. I'm asking that you all bar clubbing for Summer so that we can hold amazing house parties/shows, picnics and (vegetarian) BBQs! When did clubbing become the centre of our social lives anyway? Think about it - dancing to rockin' vinyls, midnight bike rides, laying under the stars, walking alongside the ocean, group poetry readings, acoustic folk nights... what more could you want? This way, we don't have to exclude people who are underage but instead, invite them along to share the fun! Our younger friends deserve entertainment too. We're also not spending stupid amounts on entrance and booze (for those who drink), not to mention the freedom to smoke without having to leave all the fun.

I have high expectations for the end of this year and I wish to share cloudless days and starry nights with you awesome people.

I hope you all share my vision.

[I'm sorry I always steal your lyrics for my blog titles, Conor]

Love,
-S

Silly Thoughts, Nothing I Can Change

2009-08-12T23:19:00.003+10:00

I don't mean to regurgitate the words of my teachers but I wholeheartedly agree with them when they say that we're building a generation that "scorn good quality audio". Instant MP3 access and the portability of iPods/Mp3 players are apetising and marketable features in this day and age. I guess that's what everything has become and it makes me a sad. I don't listen to my iPod with full satisfaction. Lossy file formats and dodgy earphones just don't do it for me anymore.

In other - yet related - news, I'm starting to realise how my Music Listening Skills class is effecting me. I've been listening to songs and I catch myself thinking "I see what you've done there, Mr. Engineer." Geek city.

Goodnight.

-S

This Monday Was Meant To Be A Fresh Start

2009-08-03T20:40:00.004+10:00

Why am I so fucking terrible at everything I do?!
I suck arse at being a girl, a Muslim, a vegan, a student.
I don't even know how to keep my friends close to me anymore.
I tune out too easily in class and come quiz time, I've got no clue about what's just been said.
I wreck absolutely everything I own, be it clothes, instruments, books, shoes. Everything. Not to mention how much shit I lose.
I haven't gotten any better at guitar from what, two years ago? I'm still playing the same chords over and over and my fingers just can't do anything else.
My writing is woeful. It disgusts me.
I burst into tears at the drop of a hat - just like now.
I blame the universe for my misfortunes and the fact that I am and always have been single but that's just a distraction from the reality of it all.
One thing I'm good at doing is fucking up.

-S

Things I Stole Off Jen's Blog

2009-07-29T23:36:00.006+10:00

You can find Jen here.

One

Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Tag friends.

1. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
2. Queer by William S. Burroughs
3. Anthology Of Black Humour by André Breton
4. The Birth Of Tragedy by Friedrich Nietzsche
5. Molloy, Malone Dies And The Unnamable by Samuel Beckett
6. Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell
7. The Dispossessed by Ursula Le Guin
8. La Nausée (Nausea) by Jean-Paul Sartre
9. I, Robot by Isaac Asimov
10. The Responsibility Of Intellectuals by Noam Chomsky
11. On The Road by Jack Kerouac
12. Dracula by Bram Stoker
13. Please Kill Me by Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain
14. The Colonel's Photograph by Eugene Ionesco
15. The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

I tag anyone and everyone but in particular - Morgs, Annabelle, Anna, Luke and Arben!
Be sure to link me to your page if you do it!

Two

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 10 people you like. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name)"

Pick your artist: The Locust (just for kicks, I bet none of these answers will even make sense)
Are you a female: Well I'll Be A Monkeys Uncle
Describe yourself: Scavenger, Invader
How do you feel: Sever The Toes
Describe where you currently live: Tower Of Mammal
If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Inbred America
Your favourite form of transportation: Flight Of The Wounded Locust
Your best friend is: Twenty-Three Full Time Cowboys
You and your best friend are: Fixed Companionship, Ghost Town Irrationality
What's the weather like: Immune System Overdrive
Favourite time of day: Red
If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: The Unwilling...Led By The Unqualified...Doing The Unnecessary...For The Ungrateful
What is life to you: One Manometer Away From Mutually Assured Relocation
Your relationship: Full Frontal Obscurity
Your fear: Futile Agreement
What is the best advice you have to give: Gluing Carpet To Your Genitals Does Not Make You A Canteloupe
How would you like to die: Skin Graft At Seventy-Five Miles An Hour
Your soul's present condition: Armless And Overactive
Your motto: We Have Reached An Official Verdict: Nobody Gives A Shit

Well, that killed some time. Moving along...

-S

This Room Smells Like Shit Now

2009-07-25T18:21:00.001+10:00

I guess the deconstruction of this ideology will break your head to pieces. So I dare you, just for one minute, to stop contorting images in your mind and look outside your window. Gloomy, I know. I see the gaping black hole too. But it's more than we've ever owned before and I think we've finally found our universe. Sometimes the green and blue and red is too much anyway. Don't you miss the days when the unknown was exhilarating and comfort was weak against the consolation of the alien? You've held my hand through this discordance before so quit moving away from me. I want you to do me a favour and lift your head that has been hanging so low for years to a level where my eyes can meet yours.

-S

Introducing

2009-07-17T22:42:00.006+10:00

...Cam Archer. I've blogged about him before but I need to reiterate. He is pretty fucking wonderful. Here are just a few of his gorgeous works:

And the (babe of an) artist himself:

Find more cool stuff by this amazing young soul here. Also, check out his film Wild Tigers I Have Known, produced by the one and only Gus Van Sant. It will take you on a journey through awe, empathy and slight discordance.

-S

Murmuring To Myself

2009-06-22T21:05:00.005+10:00

Hater Players by Black Star, in my opinion, contains one of the best verses ever written during the underground hip hop movement of the later nineties. It is written, of course, by none other than the science-inspired ghetto rocker Mos Def - one of my favourite emcees ever. The verse goes like this:

Visions occupy my synaptic space
Command and shake, to illustrate my minds landscape
The tall grass, the low plains, the mountanous ridges
Thickets among the forests, rivers beneath the bridges
Presence of hilltops, lit up with tree tops
Eavesdrop; and hear the incline of sunshine, nine
Stones in orbit, refuse to forfeit
They all form a cipher, and they came to observe it
I follow suit, and face it, embrace it
Shinin bright, but still I'm careful not to waste it
Destined to rise, because I'm basement adjacent
Spirit is still so just chill and be patient
Some heads approach like I'm the one to base with
Clowns about to scream and shout but dont say shh..
I ain't your student so I ain't to be tested
I'm majestic, I represent my strength without effort
My, method is unorthodox, but of course it rocks
My serious synopsis will drop kick, my topics
Run the gauntlets and galvanise the audience
I must represent, I don't come off with no corniness
It's all luminary, despite commentary
Some people say, Mos how you get so?
My sign will make you jump around like calypso
And, murmur to yourself like a schizo

I have to pay homage to this guy because he is most definitely (ha ha) one of my biggest influences, inspiring me to begin writing when I was around ten. His new album, The Ecstatic, is out now and you should seriously check it out. I can't find any recordings of this song on the internet that aren't just samples so here are some links to some other underground hip hop songs that influenced me:
-Mathematics by Mos Def
-Respiration by Mos Def, Talib Kweli and Common
-Come Close by Common

There are so many more but I have an assessment to do now...

-S

System Tugs

2009-06-16T20:53:00.003+10:00

NEW SONG
NEW SONG
NEW SONG

There is a new song called Your Simple Struggle on my music Myspace which I recorded with the help of Jack Bruun and his gear (and tea). The song features Steph from The Thaw and Keiron from Corpus on "backing vocals" and harmonies and aforementioned Jack on lead guitar. Thanks so much guys! This is the first song I've ever mixed and doubles as my major project for the course I'm doing so I hope you enjoy it.

http://www.myspace.com/stonosolo

-S

"For Merit Itself Is Offensive" - Nietzsche

2009-06-15T19:33:00.004+10:00

If you don't want to be seen in public with me, then I don't want to know you. I don't want anything to do with you. If I'm not indie, arty, punk rock, fashionable, muso enough to get into your good books then think twice about trying to use me for your bullshit petty desires. I'm not going to be a pushover anymore.

I am a Muslim and I show it because I believe it. However, I have never, ever enforced my beliefs onto anyone else and I have never asked for anything more than the slightest gesture of respect. Do I have to get weird looks at shows? At parties? When I walk around with a boy?

I play shitty guitar because that's all I've learnt so far and I've never asked anyone to enjoy it. All I want is for people to give me a chance. I want to be able to sing my lyrics because I write for people. I'm not the kind of writer that can keep my words under my pillow or locked away in private journals. I am fueled by reaction.

I'm small because that's how my metabolism works. People can stop underestimating my fucking strength now. Please. I eat and I keep it in my belly. My body just decides to digest the food faster. And calling me sarcastic things like "tough girl" does not help my mental health either.

I get shut down every time I mention things like these to someone because they think I'm being paranoid, resulting from my self-centred nature. I believe in instinct and a part of me dies each time I'm obviously excluded - when I don't get booked for shows, when every girl in the room gets hugged and I get a handshake or a high-fucking-five, when people push in front of me to carry the heavy load. I understand that sometimes people are doing these things because they genuinely think they're being nice but all the kind actions are carried out based on preconceptions.

This is the probably the most self-involved, arrogant blog post ever but I need to let someone - anyone - out there know that I'm not always going to be who people think I should be because that's just not the person I really am.

-S

Best Geek On Television

2009-06-12T22:03:00.003+10:00

Excuse me while I have a fangirl moment.

If I was in that lecture room, I would have died laughing. How can nobody find that joke hilarious?!

Reid: I tell them they shouldn't send me here and they keep sending me here, I don't know why.
Rossi: Because you're young.
Reid: "Young" or "Jung"?

-S

"We All Die Alone, We Don't Have To Live Alone"

2009-06-10T00:20:00.004+10:00

I know I've been blogging about music like a maniac lately but I really need to share this with the World Wide Web in hopes that someone will read it, acknowledge my recommendation and maybe even get touched by this ridiculously cool band called Japanther. If you actually follow this silly little blog of mine, you may remember them from an earlier post. I can't express how much I admire these two cuteheads and their super-creations. I listen to their songs when I'm down (like now) and the tears just evaporate, leaving me singing and dancing along like a lost party animal - just the way I like it!

Read their awesome interview at The Singing Lamb.

-S

Come Down To Cabbage Town?

2009-06-07T10:59:00.003+10:00

My beautiful friends Jack and Morgan bought me Conor Oberst & the Mystic Valley Band's Outer South for my birthday (along with a variety of other cool pressies from my Potential Purchases List). Today, whilst eating the freshest dumpster bread with salsa and drinking a mug of fine English Breakfast tea, I feel the need to escape the real world and play music journalist for this short moment.
Let's cut to the chase here: the album did not move me the way I was hoping it would have. Conor Oberst, the man that saved half of my heart from falling to pieces, caused that very half of my heart to wince a little.
His lyrics are and always have been emotive displays of sensory nostalgia and this aspect of his music is ever-so present in this album. Leaving his broken-thought, staccato lyrical style behind, Oberst seems to have gone for a more balladic feel to put forward certain themes - a style he had begun experimenting with on the Bright Eyes release Cassadaga.
I'm not too big on the whole country, sing-song feel on this album, even though I could handle it on their first release. I'm not sure if it's because this record lacks the simplicity of songs on the first release such as Lenders In The Temple and Milk Thistle but I feel like I haven't come across a tune where Conor Oberst gets to really sing his heart out with his distinct shaky vocals.
Basically, though I adored the first release by CO&TMVB, this one left me swaying side-to-side without feeling that special connection I would usually feel when listening to music by Conor Oberst. On the bright side, there were some irregular occurrences where a string of words would hit a nerve within me. There are also some wonderfully bright photos of Conor and the band playing arcade games and air hockey in the leaflet and their matching jackets are pretty suave.
Maybe I'm still holding onto the power of Bright Eyes and can't accept Oberst's new experiments and projects... Maybe it's time I let go?

-S

Goals, Goals, Goals

2009-06-02T22:05:00.005+10:00

Study for Digital Audio Editing exam; study for Sound Systems exam; drink more water; stay positive; meet up with Johnny to edit and finish my film; revise photography notes for this Sunday's photoshoot; go veggie shopping; stop relying on soy chai's to wake me up in the morning; find love; spend less money; apply for a concession card; practice bass more often; cook meals; go to Jura and borrow some kick-arse books that I've been thinking about for a while; clean my fucking room; send letters out to Pat the Bunny in Vermont, mum in Jakarta, Bridget in Adelaide, my Uncle Iwan in Los Angeles and Jackson Rathbone (ha!) in... Hollywood?

At the risk of sounding like your high school careers advisor, what are some of your goals and how do you think you can achieve them?

-S

You Are A Fraud!

2009-05-22T17:32:00.006+10:00

One thing I'll admit is the fact that I don't know any other Say Anything songs. I just really love this one and the lyrical content. I won't say more because I think the song speaks for itself very coherently. Play it loud. Enjoy.

-S

"Come Save Me From Walking Off A Windowsill..."

2009-05-14T23:19:00.003+10:00

I got on the last train home and it’s just myself and another man on the carriage. He looked about seventy and was dressed somewhat ruggedly yet hardly effortless. I noticed he was crying so I went over and asked if he was okay. It felt a bit out of character for me to do this but something told me I needed to do it. He showed me a photo of his lover who had just passed away about a week ago, his lover whom he had lived with for thirty-one years. He was coming home from Newtown where they used to “hold each other whilst watching the buskers play." I asked if he had anybody to go to or if he had been staying with anyone but he said no – his mother, father and brother were all gone. I handed over some napkins I had in my backpack and gave him what was left of my water as he wept and he gave me a thankful, tiresome smile in return.
We talked in depth for the whole length of the train ride and shared stories about love and travel; he told me about Norway and Switzerland and I told him about Indonesia, he told me about his rich love with dearly departed and I told him about how I’ve never really known romantic love before. When he asked me if I had someone special in my life and I said no, he was surprised. He said that a “kind-hearted, beautiful girl” like me should have someone to share their spirit with. I thanked him. I thought that was lovely thing for a stranger to say.
Holsworthy was coming up so I had to say goodbye but I really didn’t want to leave a weeping man alone on the train at midnight. I made sure he was slightly more stable, called up a taxi for him from Glenfield station to his house and gave him money for it – he had spent his last bit of money on a cup of tea and was planning to walk home. As I said goodbye, he pointed to the photo of his lover again and said “He and I were and always will be evidence of real love. You’ll find him someday soon. I’m so sure of it that I promise you will.” My brain told me I had to believe him because the one thing I kept noticing when we talked were his honest eyes. I walked out of the train and waved to him smiling but as soon as the train passed me, I couldn’t help it anymore, I burst into tears. I sincerely hope he is doing okay right now and I wish I could just thank him one more time for opening my eyes. As I walked home and it began to rain, I felt like I was a main character for an arthouse film. But the feeling of meeting someone so broken yet still ever-so hopeful will remain so powerful in my chest.
I don’t even know your name but thank you.

-S

Splinter

2009-05-12T23:02:00.004+10:00

I lie and you lie in the piercing cold winds of Sydney with every intention to get the hell out of this desolate yet somewhat assiduous environment. But we end up still stuck here in the same spot with absurdity running through our tightened veins, eyes fixated on nothing as the clouds shift. Every passer-by is an innocent enemy but we're going to have to work through this one without any conflict so we'll just ignore them. Tired? Yes. Nonchalant? No. I just don't know how long this will last, you and I. I guess it's almost over...

It's almost over but I'll always remember you.

-S

Randwick By Night

2009-05-10T20:27:00.006+10:00

Sometimes, we scooter from Jake's house in Chippendale all the way to Randwick just to get Thai for dinner. On the way there, we usually make around four stops for cigarettes, water and/or someone falling off their scooter. By the time we get back to Chippendale, we'd usually have made another four stops to get slurpies, rejuvenate ourselves and stare at something fascinating and it's 1am. We usually leave Chippendale to get to Randwick at 6pm.

-S

Just Being Honest

2009-05-04T20:48:00.011+10:00

I just wanted to express how much I appreciate people who are willing to obtain knowledge from a variety of resources. It takes a big heart, open mind and enthusiastic soul to carry this quality. Though I personally think we're all born this way, the structure of society is powerful in changing our minds in order for us to adapt to norms set up by greed and envy, especially when we are feeling a little vulnerable. That being said, there are so many of you that I've only just recently met that I see hope in and those of you that I've known for a while who have grown and blossomed into such wise wonders. I've had so many fruitful conversations with people in the past few months where the thinking doesn't end when you say "Bye" or when the conversation ends but it continues on and those very thoughts seem to intertwine with my everyday life.
Thank you for helping me learn, think and appreciate.

(A gorgeous photo from the Lost Valentinos Myspace)

-S

EDIT: Wow, Stono, way to talk down to people. I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry, this post sounds so pretentious when read in different ways. I don't mean to sound like a snobby wannabe deep-thinker. I really do feel so grateful.

The Stars Are A Free Show

2009-04-30T00:50:00.008+10:00

"'...But you don't need to get like that. If you've got any education, it don't matter if you're on the road for the rest of your life'
'Well I've found just the contrary,' I said 'It seems to me that when you take a man's money away he's fit for nothing from that moment.'
'No, not necessarily. If you set yourself to it, you can live the same life, rich or poor. You can keep on with your books and ideas. You just gotta say to yourself, "I'm a free man in here"' - he taps his forehead - 'and you're all right'"
-Down And Out In Paris And London by George Orwell

-S

Call down The Vulture...

2009-04-27T21:08:00.012+10:00

I'm just sitting here in awe from the wonders of Grey Britain, the new album by Gallows. This album is just insanely thrilling and to anyone who is all about keeping punk untouched, you might want to listen to this album. They reappropriated a sound that so many people can identify with and turned it into something wild and refreshing (lame Stono, so fucking lame but it's true).
I've always been a sucker for gang vocals and that's one thing they've constantly been throwing into their songs since the very beginning. Luckily for them and me, it never gets old and they're just as exciting. Also, they've somehow managed to find a way to incorporate double-kicks without making their songs sound like tacky metalcore. That, to me, is freaking sweet. The breakdowns on this album are also very intense (again, without the metalcore feel) and they create an almost cinematic feel to their songs. Not to mention the piano and acoustic parts which just put the icing on the cake for me, really. They add a different dynamic to what we've heard from Gallows in the past and it's beautiful. It's all beautiful.
My favourites so far are:
-Black Eyes
-The Vulture Acts I & II
-The Riverbed
-The Great Forgiver
-Crucifucks
You can find these songs streaming on their Myspace and it's not long until they release it.
My mind is so blown that I can't even find one bad thing to say about it so I'll just leave it at that. Please go listen to it.
May 4th, watch out.

-S

P.S. What's with vultures? First Patrick Wolf and now Gallows? Surely there's got to be more exciting birds out there! Like peacocks...

Lurkin' Around Squats, Book Shops and Newtown

2009-04-21T20:16:00.005+10:00

You should all check out these three musical cool cats for some enlightenment through entertainment. I've seen them twice now and have gotten really giddy both times. Their lyrics are clever and very suitable for singalongs, accompanied by rich basslines, bouncy guitar rhythms and buzzing banjo arpeggios.
Playing the banjo with much skill and heart is Mithra, on double bass is the cute and clever Nik and on guitar and harmonica is the passionate Martin. All three of them share the vocals, creating a lively and witty sound, best listened to live.

The Lurkers Myspace
The Lurkers Website

Enjoy.

-S

Too Many Words For A Blog Post

2009-04-16T23:30:00.016+10:00

In-car entertainment

2am tea-break/6am wake-up call

Avocado + salad sandwich = breakfast of champions

I spontaneously chose to go to Brisbane with my father on his business trip for one night on Tuesday 14th April. What he had to do was drive a company bus up to the dealership in Rocklea then Brisbane city to pick up another bus from the company headquarters and drive that down the next day. Fortunately, we didn't have to drive back down and instead flew down leaving us with stacks of time to hang out on Wednesday. We arrive in Rocklea industrial area after driving for twelve hours and getting lost for another hour. It was both funny and enlightening when my father said "Well, that was a good learning experience" after getting lost instead of panicking and getting annoyed. My dad's always been a travelling man (pilot at twenty-three, truckie at thirty-five, bus driver at forty-eight) so it was no surprise that he was as cool as a cucumber when we found ourselves 40km ahead of where we needed to be.

The journey went like this... I hopped onto a bright orange bus sitting at Pyrmont Bay with my ten kilo (no exaggeration) backpack and set up my own little compartment. Twenty-three seats all to myself for twelve hours. Sweet. We drive through the city then the North Shore and then it's goodbye to Sydney and hello to the big wide open road. I pull out Lonesome Traveller (Kerouac) and read for about two hours in hopes to fall asleep but my brain never lets me sleep when I'm travelling. So of course, I stare out the window for the next hour or so and eat too many Shapes™. Believe it or not, I do get bored of eating sometimes so I put Transformers into the DVD player only to be interrupted by our first rest stop in Hexam. I was genuinely afraid of the mothers smacking and yelling at their children. I hopped back on the big orange bus with dad and we started our journey back up (Transformers!!!) When the film ended, I got bored therefore started to play Spot The Ethnic with myself which was super-fun because it was so fucking challenging. It wasn't until the Gold Coast that I saw ONE and she was my dads girlfriends sister so that doesn't count because it was a planned meeting. I then put on The Thaw's Bruce Lee EP as the night began to fall - such a gorgeous combination. The journey continues with a random metal show on Triple J (the only station that worked) so we drove away in the rain listening to Children of Bodom and various other metal bands. So bizarre. I also saw my first ever shooting star and got served by a man in BP who HAD to be on drugs. Spot the Ethnic continued till Rocklea. Final count = three.
In the Rocklea International Motel, I wrote and wrote until 3am in a little room all to myself with the company of the television and the sounds of trucks driving past. The rest of the trip consisted of a lot of reading (Keep The Aspidistra Flying by George Orwell), singing the blues with my dad and waiting around doing nothing at all. The change of plans required us to hit up the Gold Coast headquarters and catch a flight from Coolangatta airport back into Sydney at 8:40pm. I must say, I'm away for only two days and it felt perfect to be travelling around with no solid plans, heaps of food and books and a notebook. Someday, I'll be on the road like Jack Kerouac.

-S

I May Never Be Good Enough But I'm Okay

2009-04-07T21:47:00.004+10:00

Dinner with my best friend; drinking tea and watching rain; reading absurd novels and books lent from friends; sharing knowledge and spreading love in the form of hugs and smiles; singing and playing guitar and pretending to know all about musical composition; eating everyone else's food; giving everyone else my food; sitting in silence; sorting my heart out and knowing what I'm feeling; explaining those feelings to a page in my notebook; listening to him speak and watching his brow furrow and straighten; listening to her sing and scream; waking up and feeling pretty, even though it's never really true; realising that my past doesn't have to drag me down everytime I want to move on.

I'm walking down the road to joy.

-S

I'm Posting This Because I'm Disappointed

2009-04-05T10:55:00.003+10:00

You don't have to get wasted to enjoy live music. I'm not militant straightXedge or anything (hell, I smoke) but I'm tired of dealing with jerks who think it's okay to down a couple of beers before entering a licensed all ages, local show. This behaviour puts people at risk - physically, people can and do get hurt, and on a communal scale, it puts local venues and organisers at risk of being shut down, obviously leaving kids with less shows to go to. Local, all ages shows are already scarce as it is.
I am and always have been totally cool with people who choose to drink but man, have some respect and be responsible. Security guards don't want to spend the night chasing drunkards around. They're here to protect you, not to kick you out but when the situation calls for it then there's not much choice than to do so. Organisers and volunteers don't want to sniff people as they walk in the door and try and detect who has been drinking. After setting up from eleven o'clock in the morning, we're tired and we don't need any more stress.
If you're reading this and have snuck a drink into or gotten pissed before a local, all ages show (or are planning to) then think again. Just don't fucking do it and save it for another time - your stomach and mind will thank you in the morning anyway. I understand that everyone's out to have a good time but putting other people at risk for your personal gain is simply cowardly and childish.

-S

Morningside

2009-03-01T17:37:00.002+11:00

Uprooting weeds from five years ago - they tower above me now and haunt me at dusk. Their shadows reminding me to finish what I started: "I will remain present until you face me. I am eating away at your secret garden". So I used the strongest poison and all it did was sting my skin. I tried machinery but I got caught within. I looked down at my bare hands and pricked each and every one of my limp fingers tugging on these terrors.
I got caught in vines today. I choked on some of that ivy today. I smoked the leftovers of my pot today and I rocked myself to sleep.

-S

"Mind Is A Razorblade"

2009-02-18T21:20:00.008+11:00

I'm currently watching Criminal Minds which reminds me, you should all check out Matthew Gray Gubler's art website. He has a very kooky style of art and creates the most interesting characters:

I made an awesome tempe sweet-soy stirfry for dinner tonight. I really enjoy cooking but sometimes I'm just a lazy shit. Tonight, I wasn't:

We watched the Soundscape of Middle Earth and Music for Middle Earth sections on The Making of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring at TAFE yesterday and it was absolutely amazing. From the foley studio effects to the orchestra to the mixing desk, I was genuinely in awe the whole way through it, especially for someone who doesn't even like Lord of the Rings. Much respect to the dedicated engineers, instrumentalists, vocalists, assisstants, etc. who work through the day and night to create audio masterpieces such as the score and effects for films like this. One film I recommend for you to watch (with the lights down and a good sound system) is Secret Window in which the score was written and arranged by the legendary Philip Glass - we got to watch a short piece on him in class too, I was so happy.

Peace.

-S

The Subway Is A Porno*

2009-02-12T19:29:00.010+11:00

Fun fact: Egg cartons don't actually work when sound-proofing. Sorry DIY punx, you're gonna have to dumpster matresses instead.

The next Hallmark Field Day is coming up so here's a bittersweet playlist that I'll be listening to whilst "celebrating" seventeen years in a row alone on Valentines Day. Some of these songs give me hope for a brighter outlook on love and some of these songs fuel my angst for this silly commercial holiday. Some are just cool. In no particular order, I give you...

1. Love Rhymes With Hideous Car Wreck by The Blood Brothers
2. The First Day Of My Life by Bright Eyes
3. The Magic Position by Patrick Wolf (this version in particular)
4. Samson by Regina Spektor
5. The Lengths by The Black Keys
6. This Modern Love by Bloc Party (this version in particular)
7. Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros
8. Heartbeats by Jose Gonzalez (no, I didn't steal it from William Beckett, I've always liked Jose Gonzalez' renditions of classic songs)
9. Drain You by Nirvana
10. NYC by Interpol
11. Anemone by The Brian Jonestown Massacre
12. The Test by The Academy Is...
13. Dammit by Blink 182
14. Japanese Punk by The Rotters
15. Disease by Swing Kids

And it ends with a classic heartache tune:

Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division

In the, uhh, wise words of Panic At The Disco, we must reinvent love and I don't think spending ridiculous amounts of money on one day is the way to do so. On three, everybody say "Fuck Valentines Day scams!" One, two, three...

-S
*From the song NYC by Interpol.