When your body loses all sensibility and starts bringing on unprecedented illnesses, and your family erupts in feud and division. And you're attacked by leeches on some ridiculously beautiful cliff on the coast of the Tasman Sea. And when the one person you thought you could have something real, something awesome with is probably out fucking some other girl in another country on the other side of the world, like the rest of the ones from your past. And when first, your favourite dog in the world passes away and then your stepfather leaves the Earth too and your mother is mourning. And when all you've seen and all you've felt is the wettest Summer and the colour of the once blue Sydney sky is dark grey. And when your job is breaking you but nobody else will have you despite the past six years of your hard work.

When your world is filled with suffering and it is colourless and broken, when you're on top of a mountain and still you cannot smile, when your immunity to pain wears away and you cannot feel anything but an aching chest... How can you not ask for this year that has only just begun to be over? How do you rectify? How do you defy?

-S

Yet Another Rant on Community

The irony of this blog post is the fact that I am writing it in my office where I usually instigate projects, apply for grants and write up budget plans for the community. Unfortunately, on this rainy Friday afternoon, I am feeling uninspired and severely disappointed in the community itself and its lack of activism and mobility. I know I go back and forth between feeling extremely enthusiastic and completely burnt out but that is because ultimately, I am fucking sick of laziness. I cannot wrap my head around how folks in my community can turn a blind eye to certain issues that need to be addressed and talked about, and pretend like everything is fine. Because it's not. Violence is still rampant in my community, misogyny is still alive and kicking, every form of discrimination is still on every street corner. And suckers wanna tell me to surround myself with better people. Hell no. These are my people. But this is all my people have been exposed to so they know no better. They have been told all their lives that their suburbs are shit and that they, as people, are disadvantaged, second-class citizens. I will not "stay positive" and act like everything is peachy. I will stay angry and fight for better conditions and I refuse to abandon those who have been thrown to the gutter time and time again. This shit is personal because when the government storms in on my people and tries to impose "income management" on poor families in Bankstown and the Northern Territory, it is belittling and insulting and I feel it. So don't tell me that I over-politicise everything. Everything IS political. When fundraising companies exploit poorer suburbs in the South-West because rich suburbs won't give them money despite their higher income, my blood boils. Class struggle. Identity crises. Racial tension. Gender politics. Disenfranchised young people. Abandoned senior citizens. It is personal and it is political. And I will not be oblivious.

The complacency, the apathy, the complete and utter lack of compassion breaks my heart, injures my soul and tarnishes my bright mind.

-S

Self-Motivational Banality

Fuck it, man. If nobody comes to your event, it's all good. At least you know you have been driven enough to put these grassroots happenings on in the first place instead of sitting around complaining about how there's nothing to do in Sydney. Know that you have been taking risks for the past six years through a proactive approach in helping to enrich and foster your creative surroundings. Know that instead of bailing to Europe or, even just across the border, Melbourne you've stayed on and built strong relationships with people who are as enthusiastic as you are. You have seen primary and high school students with fierce agility and energy create something beautiful and you have seen mentors selflessly and endlessly support their younger counterparts. You have played a part in breaking down the wall that separates artists and their community. And there is absolutely nothing more special than the connection you witness, that extraordinary glow, between people of all generations and backgrounds partying down on common ground. You can stand up and say "You may have your ignorant preconceptions but this, right here, is South-West Sydney kicking your lazy arse."

The increments of change may seem fine but they are milestones for the community.

-S